"The Pursuit of Happiness"
by Jason Roth (Registered Psychologist)

We have already entered the commercialized and mega-hyped "Season of Good Cheer". The beginning of a carefully crafted frenzy of advertising has already started. With increasing franticness and shrillness, we will be urged, threatened and cajoled to "buy buy buy" in order that we might somehow secure personal happiness and the love of family and friends. For most people, the exercise will be costly yet ultimately unsuccessful. Christmas Day often competes with the proverbial "honeymooners' Niagara Falls" as one of the most disappointing experiences in life.

We want our children to be happy. After providing for the essential needs for survival, much of parenting is focused toward the achievement of this. With happiness, some would say "through happiness", a set of values and beliefs that determine, guide and shape the actions and choices of our children takes shape. But what are the values are we communicating to our children by consuming ever-greater amounts of material items -- and working harder and longer to earn the money to cover their purchase?

We are exposed to hundreds (some studies suggest "thousands") of marketing messages every day. The focus of society is not personal development - it is personal consumption. We are encouraged to believe that "If only we had (fill in the blank), we'd be happy". Parents frequently say that they want their children to be happier than they were and to have more than they did - as though the two statements were interchangeable. Quantity is equated with quality. While a diet of "Big Macs" may leave us full, it is unlikely to leave us sated.

Most of us are unable to define personal happiness beyond a desire for certain goods and services. While it may be easy to think of tangible goods that we want (or have been conditioned by the media to think we want), it is harder to focus on the intangibles that would truly make us happy. Happiness is an elusive and ephemeral subject. Those who seek advice encounter a bewildering array of answers. Just take a look at the self-help section in your local bookstore. You will find books by authors who tell us to simplify our lives and focus on the little, everyday things that make us happy. Some tell us that we're bogged down in our everyday lives and we need to set clearer goals for ourselves. Others tell us to ignore the vicissitudes of life and find inner peace through meditation. Still others tell us that in the modern world, stress is inescapable, and all that we can do is learn to "better manage our stress". We can read ten different books with ten different points of view and be left more baffled than when we started.

While most of us in Canada are fortunate to have our material needs met, it is our wants that enslave us. Like a dog that chases bicycles down the block but stands confused when a cyclist stops, we are so caught up in the chase that we don't know what to do when we've caught our quarry. We are running aimlessly - we don't know what we have, what we want, or what is possible.

This sense of meaninglessness or emptiness of spirit is not a rare phenomenon that is confined to a small number of people. The vast market for self-help books and videos, motivational speakers, talk shows, psychological counselling, spiritual retreats, and products or services aimed at reducing stress is a testament to the extent of our dissatisfaction. Vacation spots and holiday packages are frequently marketed as "great get-aways". What are we "getting away" from? -- our dissatisfying lives??

But how do we change the pattern to become more proactive in determining what is important to us and figuring out what makes us happy or content? As a consumer, it might be useful to reflect how and why you make the choices you do. Take some time to identify not only the item(s) you would like to have, but also why you want it. Think about such things as the best purchase you ever made; the one thing you would want to save from a house fire; the articles of clothing you've had the longest; the five items, books, movies or discs you would want to have on the proverbial desert island. Identify the purchases or expenditures that made you happy in the last five years -- what you have done with them and how your life changed as a result?

Consider "experiences" as well. Identify five experiences you would like to have; five past experiences that were meaningful to you; who you were with and who you wished was with you; activities that you either currently enjoy or would like to learn.

During this Holiday season, all of us would do well to reflect on why are we so tired, stretched or dissatisfied with our lives. Most of us intellectually know that relying on shopping sprees to "make ourselves happy" is dooming us to failure. So what else is there? What many people lack is a sense of feeling part of something beyond us. Society's obsession with celebrities is evidence of our trying to find another way to feel connected in an alienating world. Time, effort and a conscious intentionality toward deepening affection from and toward family and friends; enhancing your relationship with your neighbors and colleagues; creating a sense of purpose or meaning in our careers or lives; developing and nurturing relationships with groups of people with whom we share a sense of community or common interest will all lead to a greater sense of inner peace, fulfillment and happiness.

May this coming year be one of great happiness for you. May it be a year of inner peace, and full of joy, laughter, contentment and growth.

Jason Roth is a Registered Psychologist. Along with ten associates, his counselling firm offers assistance to children, adolescents, adults, couples and families. Jason may be reached at Roth Associates in Psychology .